Nanny 911.

For the love. What the earth? Are you kidding me? What were you thinking? Were you thinking? YOU ARE GROUNDED!!!

These are just a few of the lines that I found my self repeating this past week. When I was a teenager my mother wished all of this chaos upon me. I'm not so sure that she knew it would be so entertaining for her to watch. Well grab your popcorn and have a seat. You have free tickets to the Clark show. Prepare to be amazed, confused, entertained and enlightened.

It was a calm Friday afternoon when I sent a text to my good amiga, Debb. I asked her if she wanted to go to the YMCA with me after the kids were done with school. Sure, she says. She offered her daughter as a babysitter as the child watch program downtown has limited hours. Even better. We can ride in silence to the Y instead of in a mini van full of minions who seem to be out to help us (as if we needed it) lose our minds. So we left Sierra in charge as we headed out. We were probably about 30 mins into our workout when the first text came: Are you almost done? When are you coming home? . That should have been the first hint that things were going terribly wrong. The next sign came in the form of a phone call to Debb. I'm not sure of the exact conversation that took place but I heard her reassure Sierra that we were almost done. When she hung up I asked if there was screaming in the background and she said yes. At that point we stepped up the pace a bit. On our way home Debb gets another text: I'm never having kids. They are going crazy. I'm not kidding. This is not funny. Then the next phone call came. I heard Debb reassure her that we were only a few minutes away. As we pull into the driveway Sierra comes out the door and gets into her moms van with tears in her eyes. I asked her to spill her guts and tell me what they did. Here are the details I gathered:

1. There were kids next door and Joshua had the window open sticking his bottom out and telling the kids to "smell his butt". Amy was yelling other various things.
2. They were running and screaming through the house and wouldnt listen when she asked them to stop.
3. The boys made Amy cry most of the time I was gone by being mean to her.
4. Skylar (the 10 yr old!!!) threw a fit bc she wouldnt let him watch a movie.

I was so mad! They were all sent to their rooms until their father got home. I called him and let him know what he was coming home to. The outcome? Everyone was grounded from something meaningful (different for every kid) for 3 days.

On to Easter. It was a normal, rushed Sunday morning. Upon arriving to church, I signed the kids in and off they went to their classes. I saw Skylar with some candy in his hand. Keep in mind, all the kids had been told to keep all Easter toys and candy in the van. They were NOT supposed to bring it in. So, I asked Skylar to empty his pockets. He had a stretchy snake, tons of candy and a hot wheel car. I figured if he had done it then he probably wasn't the only one. I made my way to the class room and did a shake down on the rest of the kids. I ended up with a gallon Ziploc bag of toys and candy. This was just the beginning of the Sunday morning madness. After prayer, I went out to wait for my parents to arrive for the main service. I saw a teacher coming down the hallway with a handful of something. They were looking at me. I looked away hoping it wasn't me they were coming for. It was me. He had a handful of a torn up Nerf football. Joshua. He ate it. Yup, ate the ball. I then discussed with Joshua that we don't eat Nerf balls, especially not other peoples. His response was "But it was good". I turned and walked away. After church service I went to pickup the kids. After a few minutes I realize that Konner had one shoe missing a shoe string. It was there when I dropped him off. We searched everywhere for it. How do you lose a shoe string and not know it???? We never found it. Then today I was folding laundry and the long lost shoe string fell out of Joshuas pants that he wore to church Sunday.

Do you see the common denominator here? Joshua, he seems to be involved in every situation. That being said...... I have a 6 yr old boy for sale. He is potty trained.

Kids....

We had a couple of funny conversations and situations at the Clark house this week. They def need to be documented so I thought, what better place to do it than my blog?

Last night I was making goulash for dinner. I went to get the tomato soup from the pantry and realized that there was a good portion of my canned food missing. Tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, sloppy Jo mix, soups etc. I was puzzled. Then it clicked. Josh. He has a field trip next week and they are supposed to bring ONE canned good item. We had already discussed the fact that we would decide next week what he was going to take. Why not just let him grab one? Well, I do my shopping weekly and generally everything in my pantry is designated for a meal. So, I call Josh into the kitchen:

Me: Josh did you take some cans to school?
Josh: Yes, I had to.
Me: Josh we talked about this already. You were going to take one next week.
Josh: But mom I had to, the poor people are hungry!
Me: Josh, that is very kind of you but you didn't ask...how many did you take?
Josh: 10.

End of conversation. While I appreciate my sons concern for the food bank, he might have gotten a little carried away. I'm not sure how he even carried his bag to school with 10 cans in it....and me not noticing!!

Next. There is usually a radio playing somewhere in our house. It is usually on 88.3 , 90.3 or 95.1 . This morning it was 95.1. The kids know that I don't like Lady Gaga and we change it when she comes on. So Amy hears a song that she believes is by her and panics.

Amy: Mom, lady Gaga is on, ill turn the station!!
Me: ummm...Amy...that's Michael Jackson.
Amy: He sounds like a girl.
Skylar: He sounds like Justin Beiber. Justin Beiber is in puberty. Right mom?
Me: IN puberty? I think he already went through puberty.
Skylar: Well during the 3 days that I go through puberty, I'm going to be a rock star.

I have no idea who his source is but I don't think its reliable. My kids are crazy.

Short blog, but it had to be documented.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes.....

AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!! It all hurts!!! Last week I had my first lifting session with Anne (trainer). We did legs. She decided that since I have a history with weightlifting (not kids) that instead of machines she would have me doing free weights. I'm OK with that. I have done free weights before with my dad during high school. My problem with this is.....the stinky room and stinky boys that stay in there... These guys grunt, sweat and throw weights around like barbarians. I'm totally out of my element. Actually, just being in a gym is out of my element lol. So, anyways, the first workout went good. We had a few instances in which I was thoroughly embarrassed at how out of shape I have allowed myself to become. The following 3 days were horrible. Our laundry room is downstairs. There are 6 people in our house. I'm the only one that does laundry soooo I was forced to use the stairs a lot. There were a few times that my legs actually gave out and I had to catch myself. Right about the time they got better I had another session with Anne. We did a few leg exercises but spent most of our time on arms. Again, in the stinky room with the stinky boys. She also feels the need to have me look in the mirror every time I do something. Its torture but also very good motivation. So, overall, the fitness regimen is going well. I have lost 5 lbs and dont almost pass out when I try to button my pants.

OK, switch moods. Next subject, Kids. Seriously? Amy and Skylar used to be the best of friends. He was always looking out for her and she would follow him around like a lost puppy. Then...BAM...they hate each other. No, really, they do. It got so bad over the weekend that he actually went in for her neck with his hands and she left TERRIBLE scratch marks down his arms. What has happened? Is this just a preview of my future? What is it going to be like when I have 4 teenagers if its like this now??? I'm not sure Ill be able to handle it. I will probably spend every minute of every day in prayer no matter where I am. Home, work, school, hospital, jail, padded room.....

OK Cybil, switch moods again. After high school I went on a missions trip to Guatemala. It was an amazing experience that ended up doing more of a work in me than I think I anticipated doing for others while on the trip. On this trip I met an amazingly awesome man. He had such a passion for these people. I remember him not knowing ANY Spanish at all but doing everything he could think of to communicate with these people. We were stopped on a road (for lack of a better word) and he got off the bus to go talk to some truckers. Again, he knew no Spanish at all but his goal was to show and spread Gods love to these people. He used something as small as his watch to start conversations with them. His joy and love and hope for people overflowed onto everyone around him. He was such an inspiration to me. Bernie Grieser is one of the most Godly men I have ever met. This man can start to speak of people he loves and cares about and begin crying out of nowhere. Such a big heart and passion for Gods people. He paved of the way for all of the future missionaries that went forward after us in Guatemala. He learned Spanish so that he could speak it fluently. He has a beautiful wife Sheri. They are the married couple that you look at and say "Wow, I want to be that in love after being married for that long." These two have truly played a big role in my spiritual walk. Last night, in his sleep, Bernie passed away. The Lord finally called him home after a long battle with cancer. The world lost an incredible man, father, husband, grandfather, and friend. I count it an honor to have known him. He has heard those beautiful words "Well done my good and faithful servant" and he is now resting in our Fathers arms.

Thats all.