Nanny 911.

For the love. What the earth? Are you kidding me? What were you thinking? Were you thinking? YOU ARE GROUNDED!!!

These are just a few of the lines that I found my self repeating this past week. When I was a teenager my mother wished all of this chaos upon me. I'm not so sure that she knew it would be so entertaining for her to watch. Well grab your popcorn and have a seat. You have free tickets to the Clark show. Prepare to be amazed, confused, entertained and enlightened.

It was a calm Friday afternoon when I sent a text to my good amiga, Debb. I asked her if she wanted to go to the YMCA with me after the kids were done with school. Sure, she says. She offered her daughter as a babysitter as the child watch program downtown has limited hours. Even better. We can ride in silence to the Y instead of in a mini van full of minions who seem to be out to help us (as if we needed it) lose our minds. So we left Sierra in charge as we headed out. We were probably about 30 mins into our workout when the first text came: Are you almost done? When are you coming home? . That should have been the first hint that things were going terribly wrong. The next sign came in the form of a phone call to Debb. I'm not sure of the exact conversation that took place but I heard her reassure Sierra that we were almost done. When she hung up I asked if there was screaming in the background and she said yes. At that point we stepped up the pace a bit. On our way home Debb gets another text: I'm never having kids. They are going crazy. I'm not kidding. This is not funny. Then the next phone call came. I heard Debb reassure her that we were only a few minutes away. As we pull into the driveway Sierra comes out the door and gets into her moms van with tears in her eyes. I asked her to spill her guts and tell me what they did. Here are the details I gathered:

1. There were kids next door and Joshua had the window open sticking his bottom out and telling the kids to "smell his butt". Amy was yelling other various things.
2. They were running and screaming through the house and wouldnt listen when she asked them to stop.
3. The boys made Amy cry most of the time I was gone by being mean to her.
4. Skylar (the 10 yr old!!!) threw a fit bc she wouldnt let him watch a movie.

I was so mad! They were all sent to their rooms until their father got home. I called him and let him know what he was coming home to. The outcome? Everyone was grounded from something meaningful (different for every kid) for 3 days.

On to Easter. It was a normal, rushed Sunday morning. Upon arriving to church, I signed the kids in and off they went to their classes. I saw Skylar with some candy in his hand. Keep in mind, all the kids had been told to keep all Easter toys and candy in the van. They were NOT supposed to bring it in. So, I asked Skylar to empty his pockets. He had a stretchy snake, tons of candy and a hot wheel car. I figured if he had done it then he probably wasn't the only one. I made my way to the class room and did a shake down on the rest of the kids. I ended up with a gallon Ziploc bag of toys and candy. This was just the beginning of the Sunday morning madness. After prayer, I went out to wait for my parents to arrive for the main service. I saw a teacher coming down the hallway with a handful of something. They were looking at me. I looked away hoping it wasn't me they were coming for. It was me. He had a handful of a torn up Nerf football. Joshua. He ate it. Yup, ate the ball. I then discussed with Joshua that we don't eat Nerf balls, especially not other peoples. His response was "But it was good". I turned and walked away. After church service I went to pickup the kids. After a few minutes I realize that Konner had one shoe missing a shoe string. It was there when I dropped him off. We searched everywhere for it. How do you lose a shoe string and not know it???? We never found it. Then today I was folding laundry and the long lost shoe string fell out of Joshuas pants that he wore to church Sunday.

Do you see the common denominator here? Joshua, he seems to be involved in every situation. That being said...... I have a 6 yr old boy for sale. He is potty trained.